Sunday 26th March
Steamed Toyboy Tony Lights Fire Under "Love Teacher" Eva Longoria's Butt!
Ring-Around-the-Ring-Road! Oo-la-la...Brad Pitt Buddies Up to Paris Papparazzi!
Sleazy Journos Steal Walker's Star Jones' Boob-Job Horror Scoop! (The Bastards!)
Is it sunspots? Did Hollywood get a batch of bad dope? Suddenly, there's been a raging epidemic of Hoof-and-Mouth Disease -- stars stupidly inserting feet in mouth and biting down HARD!
My Favorite Alien Tom Cruise muscled Comedy Central parent company Viacom into canceling the now-notorious "Tom In The Closet" episode that mocks Scientology by threatening to back off promoting Mission Impossible 3 for Paramount, which is...AHA!...also owned by Viacom. But in the end, Interplanetary CruiseControl failed! Earth is still safe...for now!
Teri Hatcher bravely revealed her childhood sexual abuse to Vanity Fair -- but, rather weirdly, posed like a hot sexpot on the cover!
Arrogant ex-womanizer Michael Douglas sneered at Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie"s "orphans" -- those cute Third World kids Maddox and Zahara, who are legally Brad and Angie's children.
And...after saying she's the "love teacher" during couchez-vous rendezvous with French-raised NBA toyboy Tony Parker, 23, Eva Longoria, 31, back-pedals on the kiss-ass TV celeb shows because Tony blew his stack -- knowing he'll be ribbed mercilessly by his San Antonio Spurs teammates.
Plus, a note to Walker's press colleagues:...KEEP YOUR SLIMY HANDS OFF MY SCOOPS!!
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